May We Release The Fear...

What I am about to share is a private theory, but as I continue to see evidence and it mounts up, I thought I’d share my thoughts.

Fear and hurt can often show themselves as anger. Since the COVID pandemic and the resulting lockdowns, I feel our tolerance for each other has eroded, and we still hold fear. It was a time of fear, loss, illness, upset and grief, and we are still recovering.

Everything the mainstream media and some others are reporting is being sensationalised. Constant demands for click on me, watch me, listen to me, and every single report springing from fear. We are even seeing the weather being weaponised in the UK. Ridiculous things like a report on Hugh Grant, the actor, falling asleep watching a tennis match at Wimbledon. It was over 30 degrees C and I think it’s fair to say, any one of us would have dropped off. This is not news, but I digress!

The fear shows itself in little ways and some bigger ones. Drivers are not giving way to each other and barging ahead regardless. Still on driving, the simple courtesy of saying ‘Thank you’ with a wave when other drivers stop to let another car through is scant.

I see rifts and disagreements in families, with positions being rigidly held as if they are on a battlefield. As funeral teams, we are becoming adept at handling discord and being inventive with where we seat people in the chapels.

On our road, in this tiny corner of Wales, a verbal disagreement between two neighbours erupted last Saturday in the quiet of the early evening. Tim and I were outside watering the garden and passing the time of day with the few neighbours who were passing by walking their dogs, and it took us a few moments to realise that just beyond our front hedge, a ‘ding dong’ had started. It is an ongoing dispute, apparently, and will draw to a natural close when one of them moves in a few weeks.

We are lucky to live next door to a young couple who are quiet and loving, and they are getting married this weekend. We are excited and touched to be invited to their wedding. Our neighbour came out to see if we were alright as the rucus started, and she and I managed to achieve peace. We held each other’s gaze over the garden fence, and talked about her wedding plans and how they were getting on. Neither of us tuned in to what was going on, just focused on each other and what we were sharing. The world faded, and neither of us could tell you what happened. Tim went over to be with the husbands and partners who were discreetly standing by just in case they were needed, and they all had a wonderful chat about cars. Tim later said that the neighbours who were involved were all shouting, with none of them listening, so nothing was resolved.

Fear makes us defensive, and springing from hurt or pain, easily translates into anger. We protect ourselves against feeling vulnerable, and the fear stays locked behind our shields.

We need to learn to trust each other again. To be able to show vulnerability and respect that we all handle life differently. In holding each other with compassion, we can release fear, and then all the slings and arrows from places like the mainstream media and others’ anger will simply slide off.

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